i would punch a child for taco bell
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
