she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Randomize
