she takes plan B like it's going out of style
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
