I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
