i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
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