tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize