i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
