what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
