i permit you to call me
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
