if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
