If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
It was like giving head to a cactus.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I could fuck to npr.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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