He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
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