My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
