I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Randomize
