Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize