I will die if light touches me.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
