The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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