We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
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composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
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Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize