I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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