Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
we're making bets on your personal life
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Did I show you my penis last night?
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
