so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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