When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
