We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
