I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
