I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
