The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
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It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
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walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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