I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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