Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
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