he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
