just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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