remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
