coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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