I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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