my phone needs a breathalizer
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
