I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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