My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
