Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
