I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
