She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
