WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
