I'm so fucking centered right now
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
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There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
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Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
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