Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Let's get the cat blown out
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize