i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
