you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
