I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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