Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
So vagazzling was a success
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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