Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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