i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
