I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Small penises have feelings too.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Randomize
