hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize