imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
