Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
