I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
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