I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Randomize
