so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
