That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
