Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Found the puke drawer
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
