My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Randomize
