if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
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