I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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