be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
