Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
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i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
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I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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