Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
your address is 607B right?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.