Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex