I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
