she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry