How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
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Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
