I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
she smelled like a LAN party
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tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
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Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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