my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
