Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
