i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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