Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
