he shaved USA in his pubs
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
