so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
