We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
