My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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