I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i want to swaddle you in tequila
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
